Disappear.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Being a person who always forget people's names, always make me look like I don't care about people around me. I even forget my teachers' names. I even forget about small things. You know how people are saying 'what goes around, comes around?' I don't know whether I am being sensitive by my own or anything, I don't care.
I am being forgotten. Suddenly it reminds me about my old post. I hold nothing special in people's lives. I am easy to be thrown away. Nothing really matters if I suddenly disappear, no one will know. How I wish I can quit all social medias but it is my news source and also platform for me to communicate with my family.
Nothing is more important other than my family right now. But I don't have the courage to tell them everything. Outcast? That's how I describe myself. They don't even realize if I am not there. Even if I die.....
I know this is ridiculous. Me myself find this so funny. Like, people don't even care about me and why should I bother typing this here. I just want to say that I would like to stop temporarily from social medias. Maybe not fully, because that's where I get to know about world. But I would like to try.
Stop telling people what am I doing. Stop sharing my own feeling at the moment. Stop liking people post. Stop agreeing with anything. Stop doing something that would make me hurt. I cried a lot already. People don't even care whether I am upset or angry. Those emotions are not valid anymore.
I don't know whether I should continue my short story on Instagram. I don't feel like to do it anymore. Maybe when the time comes, I will do it. For now, my mind want to get some rest. Maybe the story will be not posted on Friday, I will try to do it on Saturday.
People stop showing interest. People moved on. People are living in the moment, in the present. I am stuck in the past. I live in the world where I want to live. But that's not where other people live in. I cannot satisfy people and people cannot satisfy me. We don't belong to each other. In real life, in social media. Gotta put on my mask when I go out. That is not the real me. I don't even know which one is me.
If they need my help, I am here. I am not going anywhere but they cannot find me. How fascinating. 'aku ada bila perlu.' I don't know for how long I will last with that motto. I just want this world to come to an end. I am sick. I am done.
Since I am leaving my social medias, I guess I will be here a lot. It is nice to talk to myself, to express myself. I know no one is here. I guess the real me want to just be like words. People are using it everyday, they are not forgotten.
That's all.