Coretan diri sendiri daripada diri sendiri buat diri sendiri.

27 May 2018

Tahun Satu.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Semalam baru habis kelas terakhir untuk semester dua sesi 2017/2018 di UKM. Maka bermulalah saat untuk belajar untuk final exam. Tapi sakit sikit sebab tiada study week! Ada lebih dia ada kurang dia. Lebih dia, dapat raya on time! Kurang dia, sikit masa nak belajar. ((padahal sendiri tak nak belajar awal awal kahkah))

Exam kali ni ada empat paper je tapi tiga paper berderet harinya haha sengsara lah seorang aman. Itu yang tengah serabut nak belajar subjek mana dulu. Okay dah decide dah sebenarnya tapi still belum habis dilaksanakan lah. Habis exam 6hb dan akan menghabiskan saat saat lebihan hari berpuasa di rumah! Hehe excited.

Tahun lepas memang completely puasa di rumah tapi tahun ni dapat dalam seminggu lebih je. Boleh je nak balik kejap sebelum exam ni tapi takut kalau dah balik, mood nak study tu tertinggal dekat uni haha. Makanya saya korbankan lah untuk tidak pulang ke rumah. Baru je tengok insta story kakak abang, tengah shopping rayaaaa. Jeles tapi tak jeles. Jeles sebab dapat keluar tapi kalau jalan nanti sakit kaki so tak jeles haha.

Macam biasa lah, kalau sesuatu benda tu nak menuju ke pengakhiran, ke blog lah aman. Masa tahun satu ni, macam macam benda jadi. Macam macam benda aman dapat belajar. Dari mengenai persahabatan, keluarga, pembelajaran. Macam mana nak deal dengan manusia yang bermasalah, macam mana nak elak diri sendiri yang jadi masalah kepada orang lain, macam mana nak selesaikan masalah orang lain.

I learnt a lot. I play a lot. I get to know so many people. Ada yang awal awal rapat tapi sekarang dah tak bercakap. Ada yang awal awal kurang bercakap tapi sekarang dah jadi geng. Ada juga yang dah ada jawatan besar untuk tahun dua nanti. Ada yang dah tak boleh jadi kawan sebab dah jumpa pasangan. Ada yang tiba tiba tak nak kawan tanpa sebab. Padahal dia lah dulu geng bawang.

Macam macam benda aman rasa. Nak jaga hubungan kawan yang jauh, yang rapat, yang dekat. How not to be clingy, how not to be so sensitive. Things like that makes me more secretive. Disebabkan ramai yang dah busy, I tend to keep it for myself lah.

Perubahan? Aman make up. Ya itu perubahan paling besar. Aman pakai lens. Aman jadi lebih perempuan. Dan aman dapat tukar course dari business admin ke accounting! Alhamdulillah. Semoga survive lagi tiga tahun. Itu lah wujudnya #wawasan2021 bagi seorang aman. Tapi syukur, tiada perubahan untuk kolej hehe. Masih di kolej yang sama. Tahun dua nanti kena struggle balik lah, nak lawan dengan manusia manusia di kolej. ((Oh semoga aman dapat rumet dengan ammar lagi, aaamiinnn. Dan semoga tiada anasir tinggal berdekatan, aamiinnnn.))

I just hope that I can survive anything and challenge myself more to do new things. I am trying to maintain my personality but I still hope there is positive change. Semoga geng RoadtoDekan akan bertambah ahlinya yang dapat dekan. Walaupun nanti masing masing dah ada majoring, modul dah lain lain, harapnya kita still okay, pls? Penat hilang kawan. Okay I don't want to talk about it sebab nanti emo.

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa untuk tahun 2018, Selamat Hari Raya!

C, 203. Fighting!
Amanina Mohd Tarmizi -my life-

12 May 2018

Ego: 2

She's mad.
She's temper.
She do what her want.
Her rules.

She knows everything.
No one can beat her.
Every field is hers.
She run the world.

She's jealous.
What is hers, remain hers.
Little that she know,
 she's ego.
Little that she know, 
 she's obsess.

She's violent.
She's fragile.
She ignore the truth.
She keeps on imagine.

She wants to be loved.
She is.
Little that she know, 
 she's blind.
Little that she know,
 she's deaf.
Little that she know, 
 she's mute.

She see
 only what she wants
She hears
 only what she wants
She speaks
 without thinking.

Little that she know
Her behaviors
Her character
Her way of speak
Will be inherited
To her sons
To her daughters

Everyone keeps shut
Everyone remain silent
Everyone is afraid
To fight
To speak

The one who can fight
Can't fight
The children can't take sides
Everyone sits behind the door
Everyone hides under the table

Little that she know
She is the monster.

Amanina Mohd Tarmizi -my life-

08 May 2018

Ego: 1

As we getting older
We need to set our priorities
We need to clarify things
As there will be a lot of misunderstanding

No more sound of notifications
 coming from you
No more calls from you
We do update about our lifes
But through twitter and instagram

We were one
But it seems like i am no one

They said
You don't unlove someone
You just have someone you love more

I guess the time is here
For us to make our own way

All we need is to talk to each other
But my ego doesn't allow me
To take the first step

I'm afraid
Of getting ignored
Done it a few times
And the scars are getting bigger

We are getting older
Vast of things we need to discover
But we tend to forget
Things and people
That makes us who we are now

We are getting older
Bickering
Fighting
Just because there is no communication
All we need is to talk to each other
But ego wins

All I need is to tell you
How much I miss you
How my day was
How my health is
But there's no word left
Only tears that's left

I'm getting sick
My day is becoming worse
It makes me miss you more
All songs I listen to
Remind me of you
Did I even once
Come across your mind?

Again
Ego wins
Amanina Mohd Tarmizi -my life-