Coretan diri sendiri daripada diri sendiri buat diri sendiri.

24 February 2017

Be Bold.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

In this globalization era, wah bahasa. Masa sekarang ni, kita kena jadi berbeza daripada orang lain. Kenapa? Sebab majoriti orang sekarang ni, semua sama je. Tak ada beza. Semua belajar benda yang sama, dah macam robot. Ya, bidang lain lain. Tapi dalam bidang yang sama, kita semua sama kan? Jadi apa lebihnya kita untuk orang pandang kita. Ya, be bold. Bold tu apa?

INI BOLD.

Kay, gurau. Tapi betul. Okay, apa beza dua perkataan dekat atas ni dengan perkataan perkataan lain yang ada? Dia berbeza. Tulisan tebal. Mostly mesti ramai yang akan nampak perkataan tu dulu sebelum baca perkataan lain. Kan? Okay I said majority. Tapi itulah kriteria yang kita kena ada sekarang ni. 

Cerita 1; Baru baru ni, budak budak yang bakal tamat matrikulasi dan asasi sesi 16/17 dah kena isi upu. Semua dah kena mula fikir masa depan. For me myself, dari dulu lagi memang nak ambik perakaunan pendidikan. I was so freaking excited masa nak isi upu tu. Dah isi maklumat diri semua, maka sampailah ke pilihan universiti. 

Ya ya je lah taklimat kata ada 8 pilihan je, ada 12 lah. Okay maka pilih lah tiga bidang tu dulu. Bila nak pilih untuk first choice, I was so nervous. Aku cari lah course yang aku nak tu, dari atas sampai bawah. Padahal UPSI pilihan universiti paling atas. Aku ingat mata aku yang salah. So, aku isi je dulu. ((Walaupun sebenarnya aku sangat frust dan aku nangis sampai tertidur)). Esoknya, aku buka balik. Ya, pilihan bidang yang aku nak tak ada. 

JENG JENG JENG.

Dah takut sangat dah masa tu. Aku cepat cepat contact Mak Ngah ((my aunty is a teacher, and she graduated from UPSI)). Mak Ngah kata;

Kalau dah tak ada dalam senarai tu, rasanya tak ada lah.

Amagad, luluhnya hati. So aku just pilih perakaunan (without pendidikan). Mak Ngah kata, dah habis belajar nanti, ambil sijil perguruan. Yup, masa belajar tu akan jadi panjang. Tapi aku tak kisah. Dah siap isi, aku hantar gambar pilihan aku dekat Mak Ngah. Mak Ngah tanya, "Why choose Malay instead of English?" Mak Ngah kata aku terdedah kepada environment yang sangat bagus dan keputusan aku tak teruk. "You need to be bold."

Dua hari juga lah aku fikir nak tukar pilihan tu. Tapi, dengan adanya BOLD itu, aku tukar kepada English for my 11th choice. Okay, mungkin tak membawa kesan sangat tapi yeah, at least I listened to her advice.

Cerita 2; Lately, aku ni banyak juga lah cakap dekat twitter and instagram. Ada je benda aku nak cerita. Kalau aku adalah diri aku yang sebelum ni, aku tak akan terfikir nak buat macam tu. Mestilah ada benda yang mampu buat aku berubah kan.

Well, this one person taught me to be bold to actually tell the world that I am happy with my life. I am happier much more and way better than before. I am actually glad that that person came into my life ((yup, that person no longer means anything to me)). I am actually excited to show that I am happy, after what happened. Because we need to create our own happiness. We cannot expect people to make us happy. It come from us.

Another person actually taught me to be bold, in a bad way. Aku makin lama makin banyak cakap lepas sikit kot. Tapi masih berlapik lah, sebab aku tak nak orang tahu aku cakap pasal siapa. Hm, aku tahu aku ni taklah baik mana tapi kau tak perlu buatkan aku rasa macam aku ni jahat sangat? Oh yeah, aku tahu kau baik. Semua orang suka kau. And then, there's me. Like who am I, right? I am the bad one, and you will always be the nicest one in the world.

So, in a nutshell or whatever shell, BOLD itu bagus tapi tak semestinya. Kalau kita berani untuk jadi lain daripada lain dalam konteks yang bagus (macam berani untuk bercakap di khalayak ramai atau berani memimpin orang). itu tak apa. Tapi kalau kita berani dalam konteks yang tak bagus (macam cakap main lepas tanpa fikir perasaan orang atau berani kritik orang tanpa fikir kesan pada masa akan datang), itu tak bagus.

Be bold guys, we live our own life.
Amanina Mohd Tarmizi -my life-

04 February 2017

Memory; The Forgotten.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum warahmatulahhi wabarakatuh.

I'm sure most of us had been asked with this kind of question;

Do you remember me? We were once together in a camp.
Do you remember me? I'm your brother's/sister' friend.
Do you remember me? I'm your senior/junior.
Do you remember me? We were in the same school.
It is sure nice if we can answer 'yes' all the time we were being asked. However, I'm practically sure that we can't answer 'yes' most of the time except we have a super duper powerful memory where we can remember everyone who came into our life.

I'm bringing up this topic because a few days before, someone followed me on Instagram. I don't know who so I decided to stalk that particular person's account first. I ended up seeing a picture which they were wearing my primary school's baju pengawas. And the thought that came into my mind was;

Ah, senior aku rupanya. Tapi.. Siapa dia ni?
I screenshot the account and sent it to my friends. And one of them remember that senior! And I remember nothing. She said that that senior's sister is one of our batch. Okay, I remember her, but I still can't remember that person. Am I that cruel? Or is it just a natural reaction that most of the people would do?

The main point is; how does it feel when we are being forgotten? Will our heart crush into pieces? Aduh, drama. But, I think it is just a natural thing that would be happened. This time, I forgot about others. When the time comes, I will be forgotten. Who knows right? Someone, right now, might actually has no memory about me. Like; "Who is Amanina actually? Do I know her?" And what if, that person actually has a special place in my heart? Ah, I can't imagine it.

In addition, I don't know who's the one will suffer more; the forgotten or the one who is forgetting. The forgetting will feel "Why I can't remember anything about him/her?" and the forgotten will feel "Why he/she forget about me? Am I not that important in his/her life?"

What about the people who have amnesia? Or the people around them? How would they feel? Or.. how does it feel if we are being forgotten after we are dead? When they are alive, I'm sure we will be saying that "I will never ever forget about you." But, how far is the truth? Just how many of us actually remember our friends/family who is now no longer in the same world with us? How many of us actually sedekahkan Al-Fatihah when we are being reminded of them? Just how many of us actually cry because we missed them? Just how many..

We can't be so sure that we will not forget about people or people won't forget about us. Isn't it scary when people forget about us? We will feel unwanted and everything.. Gosh, I'm not gonna talk about that emotional thing hahaha.

Last but not least, will we being forgotten?
Amanina Mohd Tarmizi -my life-