Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
I didn't realize almost a month i ignore my blog. Maybe i am just too lazy to update anything. Since the semester started, i thought i would really focus on my studies. But even though it was only a month, so many things happened to me, my feelings.
My mood has been up and down, it still doesn't feel so good. To make it easier to understand, my mood has been like ballad songs for the entire month. Doesn't mean that i didn't feel happy at all but there were so many things made me argue with myself and others ((in my mind)).
Friends? Yes i admit that i know like some people, not so many. Being an introvert, i only have a few to talk about real things. But i know, everyone else is just busy as i am, with studies. I can't expect everyone to entertain me. But i often feel like i am being ignored. I am not the first or second choice for people to share their story. ((Excuse for my real best friends, they tell me everything.))
That's why i am like always the last to know about things. End up I would always say;
Eh, ye ke? Tak tahu pun..?When the others would say;
Oh, tak bagitau eh?How would i know if no one tells me aha aha so funny. And so many things i wanted to argue but couldn't since my words would looks like i am rude. I am not as wealthy as others. Can we spend less for things that not really important? In this economy??
I know being sensitive is really a bad trait and that's why i always keep things to myself. Because others would simply think that i am really soft ((which it is true)) and being annoyed with me. If i have to make a list about my negativity, it would be much longer than my positivity.
I also had to give up on my sukem ((sukan antara kolej ukm)) because i have my sister's wedding on the same day with the tournament. Of course i was dissapointed but gila ke tak nak datang wedding kakak. But others just tell me to come to the court to guide others. I am glad to do that but i will be so sad that i only can go to the training session, not the real tournament.
I also was chosen as an exco for an event but sadly, i couldn't go to the event since i need to go to kedah on the same day. So i only join the event as an ajk. But it makes me think twice, whether i still want to help with the event. My reason? Because i need to entertain the juniors for sukem and it almost time for quizzes and tests for many subjects. I am afraid that i couldn't manage my time.
The truth is i am afraid of responsibilities. My shoulders aren't that strong, it can break any time from now. My heart is weak. I am not like others who can do so many things at one time. I don't know what to do during my spare time but i couldn't handle the responsibilities to make full of my time. My head is full with so much negativity right now.
I only hope that i will not make me tired of myself. It will only leads to another bad things. Hope everyone else will have such a great time. And me too.
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